A flow of thought post about identity

I’ve been going to singing lessons for 2 months now. 

‘Be a better singer’ has been one of my life goals that I’ve finally got around to, despite my 8 year procrastination. 

So two days ago, while practicing with my ukulele, I began spontaneously writing a song. 

Just the act of writing out some lyrics and giving myself freedom to experiment began an onslaught of tune and rhythm. My immediate thought was:

“What the HECK. This is so easy, why haven’t I done this before?” 

Why in 22 years (or 17 to cut myself some slack) did I never once create a song despite my love for music and writing? 

What was the resistance in attaching music to words that was so daunting? 

1. Laziness

Young Jo would rather play pokemon sapphire. 

Ok, touché. 

2. My fixed identity.

I never once identified as a creative person, and a singer or songwriter for that matter. I didn’t believe I had the skill, or was talented enough. 

I looked to others and would think “Oh, it makes sense that they can do it! They’re naturally creative.”

                                                  _____________

I’ve already ranted about the absurdity of being ‘born with it’ which you can read here. It doesn’t exist. But what does exist, is the tiny supportive nudges and consistent output that moulds our beliefs and skills. 

With this year to recalibrate, I’ve indulged in many creative hobbies I was certain I wasn’t capable of. 

If I asked, would 17 year old me believe I’m now creating videos, writing blog posts, and indulging in activities imagined to be reserved for the ‘special few’? 

Welp. 

No clue. 

She’d probably say:

“Leave me alone, I’m trying to practice my Chinese oral about Bonsais”.

(and replaying sapphire).